There’s a malady sweeping the country that is quickly going from sporadic to epidemic. That disease is OIT, otherwise known as Obama Induced Tourettes.

We saw the first public outbreak of OIT last October when Congressman Joe Wilson popped a rupture disk and famously intoned “You Lie.”

The condition is triggered by the inability of The Won to utter more than a paragraph without serving up more whoppers than a Burger King near a MorOn MoveOn convention.

Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito is the latest to display OIT.

Please don’t condemn those with OIT, there’s really nothing they can do. In fact there is growing evidence that those who had originally been diagnosed with HCDB (Hope-n-Change Debilitating Blindness) have been cured of that dread disease only to find OIT left in it’s wake.

Rather than pitying those with OIT, we should embrace them. As it spreads the prospects for the removal of the root cause by 2012 increase exponentially. In fact, some signs are pointing to the eradication of some of the subordinate causes as early as this fall.

To recycle a MLB ad campaign from several years ago: OIT — Catch it!

(h/t for the video TMH at Moonbattery)

While two intrepid investigative reporters, ingeniously disguised as DC socialites, crashed a White House party they found this document underneath some arugula leaves in a kitchen trash can.

MEMO

FROM: Management
TO: All Offices and Personnel
RE: Our New Business Model

I am sending this out to our entire team to outline and explain our newly developed business model that will guide us in the new year. We are encouraged by the unprecedented demand for our products and services. It is that high demand, coupled with current, on-going economic conditions, that is driving this directive.

We have listened to our managers and others “in the field” and developed the following:

• Extreme high demand is causing us to increase staffing dramatically. Although our regional managers and Senior Vice Presidents saw a need for higher numbers, we are pleased to announce that we will be hiring 30,000 new workers early in the year.
• Experts tell us that aggressive advertising forces our competition to do the same thing, so we will keep our advertising to a minimum. We are confident our competitors will do the same.
• While the 30,000 new hires are nearly half again our current workforce, we can not sustain that number indefinitely. We need to prepare to ramp down operations and start reducing staffing by the start of Q3 2011.
• It has always been our goal to transfer operations to the local team. On our new, accelerated schedule we will do that no matter how prepared they are to take on the new role. We are sure that our competition will respect the fact that our local team may be under prepared for the task, and will do nothing to interfere with our local partners or customer base.

This program is designed to satisfy our core stock holders as well as the minority share holders. The suggestion that it satisfies neither, and possibly angers both, is immaterial. Our consultants, and even our competitors, have said that this is the best plan.

We are trying to determine what company produced this document. Any ideas?

I guess you can get things wrong if you only read the headline: U.S. hails resignation of Kenya anti-graft chief

Reading birther sites can get you call confused.

Did you ever read a story or blog post and think, “I hope _______ reads this.” I know that I do. However, I noticed a story this morning that brings out some mixed emotions. While there are some that I wouldn’t mind reading this news release, there are others I hope will never see it.

The article in question?

Raelians’ to Stage Second Annual ‘Go-Topless Day’ Protest

For the second consecutive year, U.S.-based GoTopless.org plans to stage a national Go-Topless Day protest in late August to proclaim women’s constitutional right to go bare-chested in public. In cities where it’s already legal for women to show breasts in public, GoTopless will encourage them to exercise that right.

I know that some guys are thinking, “What a great idea”, but let’s think this through.

Elisha Cuthbert

Helen Thomas

Moon Bloodgood

Hillary Clinton

Remember, not every idea is as good as it looks on the surface.

a⋅nal⋅o⋅gy

–noun

1. a similarity between like features of two things, on which a comparison may be based.

5. Logic. a form of reasoning in which one thing is inferred to be similar to another thing in a certain respect, on the basis of the known similarity between the things in other respects.

“I mean, if you think about — if you think about it, UPS and FedEx are doing just fine, right? No, they are. It’s the Post Office that’s always having problems.”

Such was the analogy President Obama used to tout the health control bill being debated in congress.

Really?

Really.

Yeah. Could I get colonoscopy and a book of those new “I Love Lucy” stamps?

analogy. Dictionary.com. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/analogy (accessed: August 11, 2009).

Heard this on Sean Hannity driving home from work yesterday. Lynda McLaughlin is Sean’s producer (and one hell of a singer).

President Obama and the Democratic Congress are so excited about the Cash for Clunkers program that they have decided to go after an even more insidious greenhouse gas producer, Volcanoes. Lost between Mark “No Future in Politics” Sanford’s presser and the All Barack Chanel infomercial was this announcement from the White House:

Click for larger image

The stunning pictures of Sarychev Peak taken by the ISS have inspired the President to ask Congress for legislation that will allow the world to trade in their old, high CO2 emitting volcanoes for newer, more eco-friendly models.

Not only will this help stem the crisis of global warming, but it will also save or create nearly 100,000 jobs. A third of those jobs will be dedicated to creating a new, greener volcano. Another third will try to figure out what to do with all the older model spewers, while the final third will go to ACORN to register democrat voters who will allow us to continue this silliness.

The basics of the program are this:

• If you have an active volcano that you want to trade you can submit your application at Kash4Krakatoa.gov
• If you purchase a volcano that emits 10% less CO2 you will receive a gift-card from Volcano Depot in the amount of $1,000,000.00
• Trading in your spewer for a model with 20% less gaseous eruptions will earn you a $2 million dollar card, and for any trade in the exceeds 30% you will get a cool (hehe, we have a sense of humor) Billion dollars.
• In addition, for any trade in you will also get a copy of An Inconvenient Truth autographed by High Priest Algore.

If this program is as successful as we anticipate we will be looking into developing a Septillion for Sunspots program that will really get to the heart of the matter while also achieving our ultimate goal of making the dollar worth about $0.00001

(h/t Mike’s America at Flopping Aces)

Pulling out the crystal ball, I predict a road trip for Wyatt in the very near future.

Police say a truck carrying 40,000 pounds of beer overturned in Vermont and closed a highway for several hours.

[...]

Travis Greeno, assistant chief of the Swanton Fire Department, says the truck had to be offloaded before it was pulled out of the ditch. He said it was “going to be a long day.”

Found at Gordon Cafe via my feed reader.

A Woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him,

“Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

“She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.”

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”

(h/t Concerned Citizen who is ConservaTeacher on Twitter)

100 Post Marathon #39

I am waiting for the NASCAR Race to start in Charlotte, but rain is holding things up right now. While we wait for them to dry out the track let’s take a look at some of my past NASCAR related posts.

First Up — Have You Ever Seen Them Together?

There was also A Different Look At The Race with commentary by NASCAR announcers.

And a new paint scheme:

And a crew that has more time on their hands now:

Dukes of Crawford

If you can…

To learn more about the 100 Post Marathon read here and especially here.

100 Post Marathon #38

How awful that the scourge of Dihydrogen Monoxide is still so widely used and available. Where do I sign?

I love it.

(h/t: Moonbattery)

If you can…

To learn more about the 100 Post Marathon read here and especially here.