My friend Rick Moran has obtained an advance copy of John McCain’s CPAC speech for Right Wing Nut House. Here’s part:

SPEECH FOR THE CONSERVATIVE RABBLE AT CPAC===

My fellow conservatives. (Duck)

My thanks for that warm greeting. I was unaware that the salad portion of the meal would be delivered in such a unique manner although someone should talk to the chef about the freshness of the produce in his kitchen.

I would like to thank all of you for your generous support of my campaign. (Hit the dirt.) For those of you who may not see eye to eye with me on an issue or two, allow me to explain why you are wrong and I am right.

Go read the rest. Computer Screen Beverage Protection Protocols are in effect.